Love Isn’t Built in a Day. A Couples Therapist’s Take on Valentine’s Day.

It might surprise some people to learn that I actually love Valentine’s Day. I have come 360° on it, loving it as a teen and young adult, wanting big shows of love, teddy bears, chocolates all the cliche things. Then I resisted it for years, dismissing it as just another consumerist ploy designed to sell chocolates, flowers, and cards. I thought love shouldn’t be confined to a single day or measured by how much money was spent. Hinting that I in fact wanted to celebrate the relationship but just on another day and well, that never happened the way I hoped. I now find it annoying when folks say we don’t need a day to celebrate each other, then still don’t for the other 364 days of the year. And while I still believe that it can be a consumerist fueled buying frenzy or a last-minute ill thought out dinner reservation, my perspective has shifted over time. 

Last year I posed a video about it

I’ve come to appreciate the value of having a dedicated day to think about love—not just romantic love, but love in all its forms. The kind that holds friendships together, sustains families, and keeps long-term relationships thriving.

This shift in my thinking hit me during lockdown when so many special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and even everyday moments of connection, were stripped away. I realised how much we rely on rituals to mark time and create meaning in our lives. Whether it’s celebrating a relationship, grieving a loss, or simply pausing to reflect, these moments matter. And I want them to matter. I want people to show up and make the effort. 

Valentine’s Day is one of those rituals. And while I still don’t care much for the overpriced chocolates (I don’t have a sweet tooth) and the pressure to put on grand gestures, I now see the day as an opportunity: a chance to connect, to reflect, and to have conversations about love that we might otherwise neglect. And maybe some surprise and delight too. Because, well I like it. 

Love requires effort, and not just one day a year

In my work as a couples therapist in Footscray, I see how small, daily efforts build stronger relationships. That said, a single day of romance isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. Love isn’t built in a day. It’s built in the small, consistent moments: checking in with each other, making time together a priority, noticing and responding to your partner’s bids for connection, and showing up even when life gets busy.

I’ve made the mistake of assuming that the way I like to celebrate love is the way my partner would too. And, unsurprisingly, I was left disappointed. Not because they didn’t care, but because they had no idea what it meant to me. I hadn’t communicated it. It’s something I see often in my work with couples. We assume our partners just know what we want, what feels meaningful, or what would make us feel loved. And when they don’t get it right, we take it as a sign that they don’t care, rather than recognising that we never actually shared what matters to us.

Talk about what things mean to you

Instead of hoping our partners will read our minds, we need to talk about these things. What does celebration look like for each of us? What makes us feel loved? What traditions or rituals matter? These conversations can be eye-opening and help prevent misunderstandings and unmet expectations.

If you’re looking for a way to start this conversation, here are six open-ended questions to explore together:

1. 1. What tradition or ritual would you love to start together?
   2. What’s a dream you’ve never shared with me?
   3. How can I make you feel more loved and appreciated every day?
   4. What’s a challenge you’ve faced that has shaped who you are today?
   5. What do you consider special occasions?
   6. How do you prefer to celebrate special occasions—and what makes them meaningful to you?

Many of the couples I work with haven’t had these conversations before. Sometimes, they don’t even know where to start. But taking the time to ask, and to listen, can deepen connection in ways that no grand gesture on a single day ever could.

So, this Valentine’s Day, whether you go big or keep it simple, remember: love isn’t just about what happens on February 14th. It’s about the choices you make every other day of the year.

Couples Therapy in Footscray – How We Can Help

Relationships take work, and sometimes, even the strongest couples need support. At The Therapy Hub, we offer couples therapy in Footscray to help partners improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen their connection. Whether you’re facing ongoing challenges or just want to deepen your relationship, therapy can provide the tools you need to move forward together.

Who Can Benefit from Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy isn’t just for those on the verge of separation. It can help if:
✔️ Communication has become difficult or conflict feels unproductive
✔️ You feel disconnected or emotionally distant from your partner
✔️ Trust has been broken due to infidelity or other relationship challenges
✔️ Life transitions (such as parenting, career changes, or relocation) are causing tension
✔️ You want to build a stronger, healthier relationship with better understanding

Our Approach to Couples Therapy

At The Therapy Hub, we use evidence-based approaches such as the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to help couples:

• Improve communication and conflict resolution skills
• Strengthen emotional and physical intimacy
• Understand and respond to each other’s needs
• Work through past hurts and rebuild trust

Marathon Therapy – Intensive Support for Your Relationship

For couples needing more focused support, we offer marathon therapy —an intensive, multi-day therapy format that allows for deep, uninterrupted work on your relationship. It’s particularly effective for:

• Recovering from major relationship crises
• Making significant progress in a short period
• Busy couples who struggle to attend weekly sessions

If you’re looking for couples therapy in Footscray or online, we provide both traditional and intensive therapy options