The transition to high school is exciting—but it can also be overwhelming for both kids and parents.
I remember it so clearly. I had a backpack and blazer that were way too big, new polished shoes and I was looking forward to a real canteen! I couldn’t wait to get a cottage pie for lunch.
If you’re wondering how to support your child during this milestone, I have some tips for you.
As a therapist working with teens, I see the challenges families face during this period, but with the right strategies, you can make the transition smoother for everyone.
Reflect on Your Own Feelings
Build Healthy Sleep Routines
Create Opportunities for Connection
Empower Their Independence
Address Their Worries
Recognise Warning Signs
Puberty Brings Change
Connection Before Correction
Let’s explore them in a little more detail.
Reflect on Your Own Feelings First
Before you can effectively support your child, it’s important to check in with your own emotions. The transition to high school can trigger feelings of worry, uncertainty, or even loss as your child becomes more independent. Your emotional state can have a ripple effect on your child, so managing your own stress is key. I often remind parents, “It takes a calm brain to calm a brain.”
Take time to reflect on how you’re feeling. Share your thoughts with a partner, co-parent, or a trusted friend. Let them know if you need extra support during this period, whether it’s help with meal prep or simply someone to talk to. Your emotional regulation models healthy coping strategies for your child.
Build Healthy Habits for a Smooth Transition
Healthy routines are essential for helping children feel grounded and focused as they start high school. Sleep, diet, and movement all play a significant role in their well-being.
Try and establish consistent bedtime routines, even on weekends, and keep devices out of the bedroom. Involve your child in planning their lunches to encourage healthy eating. Include exercise in their daily life—this can be as simple as walking to school together, cycling on weekends, or playing a casual game of basketball in the park. Remember it’s important to role model this yourself. Kids can’t be what they can’t see.
Stay Connected: Love is Spelled T-I-M-E
High school is a time when peer relationships become central, but staying connected with your child is just as important. As I often say, “For children, love is spelled T-I-M-E. They feel valued when you spend quality time with them.”
Take time to show interest in their passions, even if they’re new or different from your own. If they’re into gaming or anime, ask them about it. Look for small moments to connect, such as chatting over dinner or responding to their “bids for connection”—like when they laugh at a meme or comment on something casually. These moments build trust and strengthen your bond.
Empower Their Growing Independence
The transition to high school is also a transition in your parenting role. You’ll start to move from being a manager who oversees everything to a consultant they turn to for advice. It’s a big adjustment, but one that is crucial for their independence.
Involve your child in decision-making, whether it’s about their daily routines, extracurricular activities, or other responsibilities. Give them space to explore and make mistakes while remaining a supportive guide.
Address Anxiety Head-On
Anxiety about starting high school is completely normal. Common concerns include making friends, finding classes, or handling the workload. Instead of brushing off their worries, acknowledge them and offer practical solutions.
If they’re nervous or anxious, validate their feelings with phrases like, “I can see why you’re worried about making friends—it’s a big change.” Then, help them prepare by practising scenarios. For instance, if they’re nervous about navigating the school, walk the route with them over the weekend. Don’t try and fix it for them or tell them it will all be ok. They need to feel validated and empathised with.
Look Out for Warning Signs
While some stress is normal, certain behaviours may indicate a need for additional support. Red flags include withdrawing from friends, refusing or not being able to attend school, or significant changes in mood or behaviour.
Trust your instincts. If something feels off, consult a mental health professional. Your GP or paediatrician is often a great first step to accessing the right support. Don’t wait—addressing concerns early can make a big difference.
Embrace Puberty and Individuality
High school is also the time when puberty kicks in, bringing changes in mood, interests, and self-expression. These shifts are a normal part of individuation—the process of developing a unique identity.
Allow your child to explore their interests, even if they’re different from your own. For example, if they want to change their style, listen to new music, or try a hobby that seems unusual to you, be curious rather than critical. Avoid comments like, “You never used to like that,” or ‘’I miss when you wore x or had your hair like y’’ as these can feel dismissive and make it about you.
Connection Comes Before Correction
When your child behaves in a way that seems rude or out of character, pause and ask yourself, “What’s beneath the surface?” Often, what seems like challenging behaviour is a sign of stress or overwhelm rather than disrespect.
Respond with empathy before addressing the behaviour. For example, if they throw their bag down in frustration after school, say, “You seem upset. Want to talk about it?” This approach strengthens your connection and helps them feel understood.
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