Should We Try Couples Therapy?
Many couples wonder if therapy is only for relationships in crisis. Some wait years before seeking help, hoping things will improve on their own. Others assume they need a major issue before booking a session. But the truth is, couples therapy can help at any stage—whether you’re struggling with ongoing conflict, facing a big life change, or just feeling disconnected.
If you’ve ever wondered if therapy might help your relationship this guide will answer your biggest questions about how couples therapy works, what to expect, and how to know if it’s right for you.
Who Should Consider Couples Therapy?
A common misconception is that couples therapy is only for those on the brink of separation. In reality, many people come to therapy before big transitions—like moving in together, getting married, or having children—to strengthen their foundation.
Other couples seek support when they notice recurring communication issues, unresolved resentment, or patterns causing conflict. Research shows that many couples wait five to seven years before seeking help, sometimes separating without ever trying therapy.
“Relationships and communication are skills—not something we’re just born knowing how to do perfectly.” — Marie Vakakis
Do You Need a Big Problem to Start Therapy?
Some people hesitate to book an appointment because they don’t have a specific issue to work on. They just know that something feels off. That’s completely fine.
One of the first steps in therapy is figuring out what’s going on. Sometimes, couples get stuck in cycles of conflict or disconnection without fully understanding why. During the first few sessions, we use structured assessments to explore different areas of the relationship, including communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, and shared goals.
The Gottman Method, one of the main approaches used in couples therapy, identifies patterns that can damage relationships, like criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Once these patterns are recognised, therapy helps replace them with healthier ways of interacting.
“If you’re already wondering whether therapy might help, it’s probably a good time to book a session.” — Marie Vakakis
What If My Partner Doesn’t Want to Go?
One of the most common concerns is how to get a partner on board. If one person is resistant, the way you bring it up matters.
Simply saying, “We need therapy because I’m sick of this” is likely to make someone defensive. Instead, try framing it as something you want to do for yourself and the relationship.
“I feel like I’m struggling to express myself, and I’d love for us to get support to improve how we communicate. I’ve found a few therapists—would you prefer that I book one, or do you want to look through their details first?”
Some people assume therapy means they’ll be blamed or forced to relive past conflicts. In reality, couples therapy is about working together to understand each other better, communicate more effectively, and build a stronger relationship.
How Long Does Couples Therapy Take?
There’s no set timeframe, but most couples need at least 10 to 12 sessions to work on core issues. Some couples prefer a weekly or fortnightly approach, while others choose intensive sessions over a shorter period.
For those who want to make faster progress, marathon couples therapy is an option. This involves two or three full days of therapy, allowing couples to dive deep without daily stressors getting in the way.
What Happens in a Couples Therapy Session?
Each session is tailored to what the couple needs, but there’s usually a mix of:
- Checking in on any progress or challenges since the last session
- Exploring new tools and techniques to improve communication
- Practicing structured exercises to help navigate conflict or emotional disconnect
- Unpacking deeper relationship dynamics that may be influencing the patterns of behaviour
For example, if a couple is stuck in a disagreement about parenting or finances, therapy helps uncover why they feel so strongly about their position. Often, these conflicts are connected to personal values, childhood experiences, or deeper fears that haven’t been fully articulated.
“If you had all the skills to handle this on your own, you wouldn’t be in therapy. My role isn’t to referee arguments but to help you learn new ways to communicate so you can have these conversations on your own.” — Marie Vakakis
Can Therapy Help if We’re Considering an Open Relationship?
Couples therapy isn’t just for traditional monogamous relationships. Many couples use therapy to explore ethical non-monogamy, navigate boundaries, or strengthen their primary relationship while maintaining other connections.
Not all therapists are experienced in this area, so it’s important to find someone who can offer informed, non-judgmental support.
What If the Relationship Feels Too Broken to Fix?
Some couples come to therapy when one person is already considering leaving. In these cases, discernment counselling can help. This is a short-term approach (usually five sessions) focused on gaining clarity about whether to work on the relationship or separate.
No therapist can tell you whether to stay or leave, but therapy can provide a space to explore what each person wants and whether rebuilding is possible.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship?
A strong relationship allows for both connection and independence. Too much distance leads to emotional disconnection, but too much reliance on each other can create unhealthy dependency.
Trust and commitment are at the core of a healthy relationship. This means:
- Knowing each other’s inner world—goals, dreams, worries, and values
- Responding to each other’s bids for connection, whether that’s a simple check-in or a deep conversation
- Learning how to manage conflict in a way that strengthens, rather than damages, the relationship
“A relationship is like a garden—it won’t grow if you don’t water it. You can’t neglect a relationship and expect it to thrive.” — Marie Vakakis
Thinking About Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy isn’t just for relationships in trouble. Whether you want to improve communication, rebuild trust, or strengthen your connection, therapy provides the tools and support to help. If you’re wondering whether it’s the right time, booking an initial session can help you decide.
You don’t need to have everything figured out before you start. Therapy is about gaining insight, developing skills, and making intentional choices about your relationship.
For more information or to book a session, get in touch with us
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