Bringing up couples therapy can feel daunting. You don’t want to offend your partner or make it seem like your relationship is falling apart. The key is to frame therapy as a way to strengthen your bond, not as a sign of failure.
Why do people avoid couples therapy?
Some people fear being blamed or judged, but therapy isn’t about taking sides—it’s about helping both partners feel heard and understood. Others believe therapy is only for relationships in crisis, when in reality, it can strengthen communication and connection at any stage. Cultural or generational beliefs, like “keeping relationship problems private,” can also prevent couples from seeking support. Lastly, change can feel daunting, but avoiding therapy doesn’t make issues disappear—starting sooner can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
TIPS FOR BRINGING UP THERAPY
- Use “I” statements: instead of saying, “you never listen to me,” try “I feel like we could communicate better and I’d love to get support.”
- Make it about growth: “I want us to be the best version of our relationship and I think therapy could help.”
- Address resistance gently: if your partner is hesitant, suggest a trial session instead of committing long-term
- Show you’re willing to work too: reassure your partner that therapy isn’t about blaming but about learning tools together
Should we wait if we are in the middle of a crisis or tricky period, for example, not getting enough sleep due to a small child, a family member’s health crisis, or work stress?
This was a question asked recently in our podcast (listen to it here). While it can be tempting to delay therapy when life is feeling overwhelming, the reality is, that therapy can help a couple get through these tricky periods together.
WHAT IF THEY SAY NO?
- Ask if they have concerns and listen without judgment
- Offer alternative ways to begin learning together, like reading a relationship book
- Consider individual therapy to work on communication and relationship skills from your end
The hardest part is starting the conversation but avoiding it won’t make the issues go away. As I often say to clients, “if you’ve already picked up the phone or if you’re googling it, it’s telling you that you’re curious and it might be time.”
One of the biggest concerns I hear from partners is, “what if therapy makes things worse?” In my experience therapy doesn’t create problems—it shines a light on what’s already there and that can be hard to face. If there are cracks in the foundation, therapy helps repair them before they widen. It’s about learning to navigate difficult conversations with support rather than avoidance.
If your partner is still reluctant, start small.
Check out my Relationship Refresh course. designed to help you reconnect before things get too hard.
Here are some of our favourite free resources
Books
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John and Julie Gottman
- 8 dates by John and Julie Gottman
- Hold Me Tight by Sue John
Podcasts
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