Tips for Setting Holiday Boundaries
The holiday season is full of joy and connection, but it can also leave many of us overwhelmed and stretched too thin. Between family gatherings, Secret Santas, fundraisers, work parties, gift shopping, and endless to-do lists, it’s easy to lose sight of what we need to feel good during this time of year and it’s hard to say no.
Setting boundaries is one of the best ways to look after yourself and make the season more enjoyable. It’s easier said than done and I don’t always get it right. When I overstretch myself to please others I feel resentful, annoyed and eventually….I crash or get sick. My body says enough is enough. It’s an awful feeling.
Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out; they’re about protecting your time, energy, and well-being. Here are some practical tips for setting boundaries this holiday season, along with examples of communicating them.
Why Holiday Boundaries Matter
Boundaries are essential for self-care. They help us avoid overcommitting, feeling resentful, or burning out. Without boundaries, we often say yes to things we don’t have the time, energy, or resources for, leaving us feeling drained.
For example, if someone invites you to dinner over your budget, and you go along with it anyway, you may become stressed or frustrated later. Boundaries allow you to make choices that work for you, so you can show up fully for the things that matter most.
How to Set Boundaries
Recognise your limits. Take a moment to think about your schedule and energy levels. It’s not just about what you’ve got on paper; it’s also about how much mental and physical capacity you have left after everything else you’re juggling. Be clear and direct. When setting boundaries, avoid vague statements or hints. For example, instead of saying, “It’d be nice if we could stick to cheaper gifts this year,” try, “My budget for gifts is $50, and I’d appreciate it if we could all stick to that.” Stick to your boundaries. If you’ve decided not to take work calls on weekends, it’s up to you not to answer. Boundaries are about what you can control, not about what others do.
Practical Tips for Different Scenarios
Managing Time and Energy
It’s okay to say no to an event if you’re feeling stretched. Before agreeing to plans, take a moment to check your schedule. A simple “Let me get back to you” gives you time to decide what’s realistic.
Example: “I’d love to join, but I’ve already got a lot on that week. Can we catch up another time?”
Handling Financial Pressures
The holidays can be expensive, but setting financial boundaries helps ease the stress. If someone suggests a pricey dinner or gift exchange, be honest about what you can afford.
Example: “I’d love to come, but $100 is outside my budget. Could we pick something more affordable?”
Dealing with Family Dynamics
The holidays can bring out tension, especially in family settings. If someone behaves in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to address it calmly and clearly.
Example: “It makes me uncomfortable when you speak to me that way. If it happens again, I’ll have to leave the conversation.”
Offering Alternatives
Boundaries don’t always have to mean saying no. Sometimes, offering an alternative shows you still care while protecting your limits.
Example: “I can’t make it to dinner, but I’d love to catch up for coffee during the week.”
Remember, It’s Okay if Others Feel Disappointed
When you set a boundary, others might feel upset or disappointed, and that’s okay. They’re allowed to feel like that. Their feelings don’t mean you’re wrong for looking after yourself. Boundaries aren’t about making everyone happy; they’re about making sure you can show up fully and enjoy the season.
The holidays should feel manageable, not overwhelming. By recognising your needs, being honest about your limits, and communicating clearly, you can create space for the joy and connection that this season is all about. This year, try putting yourself on your priority list. After all, a happier, more balanced you is the best gift you can give to those around you.
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